Elliott likened his feeling of distraction to an internal dialogue, telling himself to study but pulled by the distraction. He said he has an internal voice who is cross and upset for giving in to distractions when he should be focussing, why can’t you study? Why are you still doing this? If he is into a subject, he will be really focused on it, but if he isn’t, if he doesn’t like something, he cannot get it done whatsoever. He says his parents know that if they ask him to do something, it has to be done in that moment, or it doesn’t get done. Mostly the distraction involves tedious tasks he doesn’t want to complete. In schoolwork he needs to devote more time to the subjects he likes less as much of that time is getting started, getting into the work.
I asked how it makes him feel when distracted and struggling to get into something. He replied my mind tries to put it away. My mind tries to cover it up with other things I could be doing. And I get kind of overwhelmed with stuff I prefer to be doing at that time. I’m a lot more attracted to those ideas than what I’m doing. I asked if he feels trapped by the thing he wants to do. I kind of feel like those new ideas that are coming up, those alternative ideas are trapping me and the only way I can get those ideas out of my head is by completing them. If I wanted to study for an exam that I didn’t really like, I find myself tidying my room instead, or going out to walk the dog for a long walk. He feels trapped by the idea of a task. I asked if it is the distracting activity or finishing the task that makes him feel free. He replied he thinks it is the distracting activity, because I will find myself still unsatisfied after I complete the task, but if I can get all in my mind cleared, then I complete the task, that’s when I get that feeling of completion. Whilst studying for an exam, he learned to juggle. He said he didn’t feel like studying for the exam; I had to learn the juggling before I could start. It was a fixation so he could study as well as a distraction. I think I was distracted by the idea that I have to do this before I can study. I mean once I got it I was able to focus on studying a bit more, but it took a few days, which looking back wasn’t the smartest idea.
Elliott describes his hecticness as a superpower sometimes but a curse at other times. So with my friends I’m always coming up with ideas, thinking, thinking of places, thinking of things to do. I can always do a crossword; my kind of imagination has no bounds to it. It’s very special, although it’s a curse at times, like I’ll be thinking to myself why can’t I be organised? why is everything so difficult? But then I’ll be like, I’m so glad that I can think of basically anything sometimes… my mind is just kind of a blank canvas I can do anything with, like my mind has no bounds.
Asked what he liked most about having ADHD, he told me his ability to be focused on tasks he is really into. Throughout his life, either he is super focussed on a task, or he cannot focus at all on it. Asked what he disliked the most about having ADHD, he described the distraction element. If he is into a subject, he will be really focused on it, but if he isn’t, if he doesn’t like something, he cannot get it done whatsoever.
Asked if he were to imagine himself an animal, which one might come closest to expressing his true self, Elliott said a squirrel. I’m like a squirrel bearing a nut, when I have a purpose and a task I’m engaged in, that’s all I really do; when I don’t have that responsibility that I’m engaged in, I’m hectic, I’m running around, I’m doing whatever. But when I want to do something, that’s all I am.
Since receiving homeopathic treatment this internal dialogue has lessened and increasingly his focus has improved, his mother writing to me “Since commencing treatment over the summer, his return to school has been marked by a clear improvement in his ability to focus. I have also observed that he is visibly less fidgety and more settled, both at home and in academic settings. My son is now able to manage the majority of his academic responsibilities using homeopathic medicine alone.”
This post is part of a series following Elliott, a young patient with ADHD. Use the links below to go to the previous or next post, or click here to go back to the blog page.